Caffeind

Men more responsive to caffeine

A strong cup of coffee has a greater effect on men than women, research shows...

"Caffeinds" syas Ry Ter.

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hellelujah

Hallelujah features three times in the top 40.

Cohen, who wrote it, made a new entry at 36.

The late Jeff Buckley is No.2

Burke's No.1

"Hellelujah!" says ry ter.

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Wheelie Great

Chris Hoy is 2008 BBC Sports Personality of the Year.

Having won three gold medals in Beijing, Mr Hoy beat Lewis Hamilton and Rebecca Adlington to the honour.

"To win this award this year is so special as British sport has enjoyed such a hugely successful year. It's been incredible," said Hoy.

"Wheelie good." Says ry Ter.

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well red

Many lie over books 'to impress'

Nearly half of all men and one-third of women have lied about what they have read to try to impress friends or potential partners, a survey suggests.

"Well red." Says Ry Ter

privates beach only

Naturists' plea over nudist beach.

Naturists are calling on a Suffolk council to keep open one of Britain's first nudist beaches.
The British Naturism spokesman said, "We'd welcome any proposal to move the beach slightly further south but we do not want to lose a designated area."

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Baker's wife uses loaf

A baker became trapped in a lift at work for 13 hours and was only rescued thanks to the efforts of his wife.

"At yeast his wife made an effort to find him," quips Ry Ter.

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Stanstill Airport

Flights at Stansted airport have been delayed after more than 50 protesters occupied a secure area near the runway.

"Don't you mean, Stanstill airport?" questions Ry Ter.

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Wogone

After three decades, Sir Terry Wogan is stepping down as commentator on the Eurovision Song Contest .

Fellow Irishman Graham Norton will take over.

"WoGONE, NortON." Says ry ter

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Dudley Zoo's newd attraction

A group of zoo keepers at Dudley Zoo has stripped off for a naked calendar to help raise funds for a wildlife campaign.

"A newd attraction"

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Dubaious

The two Britons found guilty of having sex on a Dubai beach are to be deported without serving a sentence.

The couple denied having sex, saying they had simply been "kissing and hugging".

"Dubaious"

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Dam Kayakers

Extreme kayakers have been condemned for canoeing down a dam in west Wales.

"Dam Kayakers!" Says Ry Ter.

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Bee aware

Bee keepers fear for UK honey supplies.
Supplies are suffering because of a mite infestation that has killed off a quarter of the UK's honey bees this year.

"Bee aware, and stock your shelves."

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Down Thunder

Brisbane has been hit with the worst storms it has seen in 25 years.

"Down Thunder" says Ry Ter.

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Chip shape

A man from Sussex plans to cross the English Channel on a raft powered by chip fat.

"At first I thought he was a deep-fat liar. But no, it's true!" Says Ry Ter.

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Queue E too

The QE II sailed into the Hampshire port for her 726th and final visit to bid farewell to the city of Southampton.
"No longer will she have to queue E too in the crowded waters of the Solent again." Says Ry Ter.


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Property 'For Snail'

A lack of available mortgages is "stifling" the housing market, according to the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors (Rics).

Ry Ter
www.currantpuns.com

Commissionsnore of the Metropoliyawn Police

A man who would be involved in the search for the next Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police said the top job should go to someone "pretty boring".

"You could rename the position as Commissionsnore of Metropoliyawn Police" says Ry Ter

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McCain't

So, McCain lost the race. Obama won.
We all know this. However, do we know when they're gonna make da movie?

Ry Ter
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Winnie the Coup

An original sketch of Winnie the Pooh, featuring Tigger and Piglet, is expected to fetch £20,000 at auction.

"Here's my sketch of a pig let," says Ry Ter. "Start your bids at 20 pence"

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Lewis Hamilwon

At 23, Lewis Hamilton is the youngest driver to have won the Formula One world title.

"Lewis Hamilwon," says Ry Ter jubilantly

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Doctor boo hoo

David Tennant has announced he will leave Doctor Who.

Is this is a sad day for Doctor who fans?

DT says,"When I was a kid, I loved Doctor Who, I grew up with it. For me, it was the most exciting time when the Doctor changed."

Ry Ter says, "Doctor boo hoo."

Ry Ter

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Life is sweep

Apparently the rights to 'Sooty' sold for a million this year.

This week, a puppet used in the original 1950s BBC series fetched more than 10 times its estimated sale price at auction.

"Life is sweep," says Ry Ter

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Mice one

Scientists have developed purple tomatoes which they hope may be able to keep cancer at bay.

The fruit are rich in an antioxidant pigment called anthocyanin which is thought to have anti-cancer properties.

The tomatoes were created by incorporating genes from the snapdragon flower, which is high in anthocyanin.

The study, published in Nature Biotechnology, found mice who ate the tomatoes lived longer.

The speed of Hound

The British team that holds the land speed record is planning to go even faster.

RAF pilot Andy Green intends to get behind the wheel of a car that is capable of reaching 1,000mph (1,610km/h). Known as Bloodhound, the new car will be powered by a rocket bolted to a Eurofighter-Typhoon jet engine.

"He'll be travelling at the speed of Hound," says Ry Ter.

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RAREVENS

Ravens have returned to a Wiltshire forest more than 100 years after being persecuted to extinction in much of Britain, according to a survey.

"Rarevens," according to Ry Ter.

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Rock'n'Rail

The Astoria Theatre, in Charing Cross Road, will soon be knocked down for the city's £16bn Crossrail project – making way for work on a huge extension of Tottenham Court Road station, which is a central part of the scheme to link Maidenhead in Berkshire and Shenfield in Essex, via Heathrow airport and central London.

"Final curtains for the PASTORIA," says Ry Ter.

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Vinturds

Winemakers in France's Languedoc region, which has suffered a reputation of being the 'poor relation' to its Bordeaux and Cote du Rhone cousins, have called their latest product 'Vin de Merde'.

"Vinturds," says Ry Ter.

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Ostrich too far

Iran is attempting to assemble the world's largest ostrich sandwich.

Promoting Iran's ostrich farming business at a food festival in Tehran, about 1,500 cooks will use 1,000kg (2,200lbs) of ostrich meat to make the sandwich. Perhaps enough to earn a place in the Guinness Book of Records.

"Fast food." Says Ry Ter.

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Claws

The Chinese Mitten Crab. Alien invader of UK waterways.

"Once it's beaten off the non-native crayfish, what next?" Questions Ry Ter.

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I fought the claw, and the claw won

The Chinese Mitten Crab Vs the plague-carrying non-native crayfish
Following yesterday's news concerning Crayfish and Mitten Crabs, I sustain my belief that the Chinese mitten Crab – by far the more evil of the two – will win any fight, claws-down.

"He fought the claw, and the claw one," says Ry Ter.

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I am the claw

Two of the UK's worst aquatic invasive species are set to meet.

Scientists say the non-native crayfish and the fierce Chinese mitten crab's habitats are beginning to overlap.

"My money's on the Chinese Mitten Crab," says Ry Ter. "It's my understanding that it's a dogfish eat dogfish world under the surface of the UK waterways. And in that world, they are the claw."

Ry Ter

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Arachcrib

Researchers believe arachnids arriving in imports of food and plants are now able to survive and spread thanks to the UK's increasingly mild climate.

Exotic species of spiders are making their homes in the UK, scientists say.

"Arachcribs?" Says Ry Ter.

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OrnaMental plant

Japanese knotweed was introduced to the UK as an ornamental plant.

Since then it has plagued the environment.

Now a natural predator has been identified. Plans have been submitted to the government for approval to use the predator to control the weed.

"Ornamental," says Ry Ter.

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North American Fly Catcher Catchup

North American Fly Catcher spotted in cornwall

Twitchers across the UK travelled from all over Britain, including Yorkshire and Tyneside, to photograph the unique visitor.

"Give the twitchers a wing if you see one"

Ry Ter
www.currantpuns.com

Oxfourth University

Among the top 10 institutions in the Times Higher Education QS list, six are in the USA and four are in the UK.

Harvard and Yale are in first and second places, with Cambridge and Oxford in third and fourth.

"Oxfourth?" says Ry Ter.

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The JOY of Rex

Kennel Club changes breeding rules

A review of breeding standards for every pedigree dog species in Britain is under way in an attempt to introduce kinder rearing for pets and showdogs.

"The Joy of Rex" says Ry Ter

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Big feat in Himalayas

British woman skydives over Everest

A British woman, together with two other skydivers, became the first yesterday to freefall at extreme altitude through the skies above Mount Everest.

“It was amazing.” Said Holly Budge.

"Sky divas!" Says Ry Ter.

Ry Ter
www.currantpuns.com

Bodyleian Library

Frankenstein 'IS ALIVE' at the Bodleian library, Oxford.

According to research, Percy Bysshe Shelley – Mary's husband – helped jolt the much acclaimed Frankenstein into life. The original draft of Frankenstein – by Mary Shelley – is on view at the Bodleian Library in Oxford.

Don't you mean the Bodyleian?" says Ry Ter.

Long live currant puns.
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Tee'd off with energy price rises.

Fuel costs continue to rise

About five million homes in the UK are currently in what is classed as fuel poverty, where at least 10% of income is spent on gas and electricity.

The energy regulator Ofgem has told companies to stop charging customers different rates if they pay by direct debit or pre-payment meters.

"The problem's therminal" says Ry Ter

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KATE Modern

A 50kg solid gold statue of model Kate Moss has been unveiled at the British Museum, in London.

The £1.5m sculpture, entitled Siren, is by artist Marc Quinn and is one of several contemporary sculptures in the exhibition Statuephilia.

"Kate Modern," says Ry Ter

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That's the way to do wit

Punch is to rise from the grave and publish its anthology. With 160 years of whit under its belt it's going to be one hell of a read.

"That's the way to do wit!" says Ry Ter.

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Wheelie bad biker

Biker gets caught doing an 83mph wheelie in a 30mph zone.

A Southampton motorcyclist who was caught speeding seven times in one month, has received a ban, a fine and 39 points on his licence.

"Wheelie good detective work," says Ry Ter.

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Delbighted Lottery Winner

A teenage student from Cumbria was bitten on the bottom by her dog as she screamed in delight at winning £7m on the EuroMillions lottery.

The lottery winner said her pet took a bite after being unsettled by her wild celebrations.

Ry Ter said, "You must be Delbighted".

Ry Ter

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At yeast tesco's making bread

UK supermarket giant Tesco has reported a steady rise in half-year profits despite the tough retail environment.
Tesco said it is at its best in tough markets and could respond to the changing needs of customers.

Ry Ter says, "They're doing all white then?"

Ry Ter
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Hats off to Abbey

Bradford & Bingley nationalisation is confirmed.
B&Bingley's £20bn savings business and branch network will be bought by rival Abbey – owned by Spanish banking group Santander.

"Hats all folks!" says Ry Ter

Ry Ter

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HeathNO airport plans for third runway

Tories say they would scrap Heathrow plans

The Conservatives have said they will scrap plans for a third runway at Heathrow airport and build a £20bn high-speed rail line instead.

Ry Ter says, "HeathNO airport plans for third runway."

Ry Ter
www.currantpuns.com

A+E

Should E = A or B? The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs is meeting to discuss whether E (ecstacy) should be downgraded to Class B.

There were at least 40 deaths related to the drug last year - twice the total reported in 2000.

The Home Office has said ecstasy should stay in class A because there is no such thing as a "safe dose".

"A&E" says Ry Ter

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Divhorse

A divorcee has been awarded £50,000 a year maintenance - to keep her horses in the manner to which they have become accustomed.

Question the solicitor had is, "What does this mean for tug-of-love battles over the family pets?"

Question Ry Ter has is, "Who has the sofa?"


Ry Ter
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